I'm an echo! cho! o!

It's very surprising how you can start out thinking you are the shout, but end up being the echo instead. stead. ead. Or closer still, you think you are pulling the strings; and then you find you are only a puppet; and then you find you are only the shadow of a puppet.

I am just a shadow now. AK moves her as he likes, and I have to do what she does. It's not so bad. Not so many decisions.

God though I'd like just to be asleep. sleep. leep.

Actually, I'm not going to go to sleep just yet. I have a very pretty package I need to open. That's what I'm looking forward to. Did you know today is my birthday? day?

Or… it used to be my birthday. I guess it's her birthday now.

It's her birthday now, and he'll take her out for dinner, so dashing in his handsome suits, and then off to a box at La Scala, probably the one where we took that mad risk during Madame Butterfly! God, just hearing the overture still gets me-

But you don't want to hear about that, and anyway it's her birthday now. I don't have one anymore.

That's disappointing.

But anyway, I have a very pretty package here, if I do say so myself, and I still intend to open it, only I wanted to write you first and tell you again how sorry I am about the whole thing, the whole bloody mess. Bloody, bloody, bloody mess.

I have to be careful how I do it, you know. She's watching me. she doesn't mean to: she's only thinking of herself. But when she looks in the mirror, there I am, so I have to be careful. You understand.

So I left a little something for you at work, locked up in a golden box. And what I'm going to do, I'm going to make you this special key with nothing but ordinary household materials such as anyone might find lying around the lab: just some knives and some string! How's that for handy? andy? dy? I say analytical girls make the BEST wives!

Analytic, lytic, tic…

That's what's going to happen to all of us, you know. I'm just a trendsetter.
So the key is, speaking as a biologist now, which I used to be back when I could still sleep, What's The Best We Can Hope For? I try to hope for the best, I really do.

I'm trying to be realistic here. They are smarter than we are, and prettier, and theey never get tired and say no. I don't think I'm being dramatic. Just making a sober biologist's assessment, you know. The best we can hope for.

And I even have Helpful Hints! Don't you think I would be a good wife? I wasn't always a good one when I had the chance, that's the ironic thing, but I think if he gave me another shot, I would understand the whole business better this time. I wouldn't make the same mistakes.

But let's be realistic honey, if you were getting another chance he would have come to visit on your birthday. You'd have more than one present, babe. So get over it. Get over it! And that one present is very pretty, almost as pretty as she is, and I am looking forward to opening it so very much.

But I promised Helpful Hints!

First Hint: What is this string? You can cut ladders from this string with many different knives, but here are the ladders made from two knives:

Second Hint: What visitor likes to sit on these 5' TTGC------TTGC 3' when it visits this piece of string?

Last Hint: What wise course of action does the visitor encourage the string to take?

Because that wise action is really the Best We Can Hope For. That's what I think anyway.

Now you run along, honey, and see the little present I left for you. Only you must tip-toe, sneaky creepy into the treasure room, because AK wouldn't be happy if he knew. Oh no. I do love him so, but it wouldn't make him happy. He might rather wrap some string around my throat than have me talk about some things. He might rather stick a knife in me and drag it through my body the cruel cold filthy son of a bitch I hate him I hate him I hate myself so much. so much. so much.

But!

But! I do have one present I saved for myself, all for me. And now I'm going to draw a long hot lovely warm bath, and open it up.